I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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