I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
