Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
