you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
