I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
