Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
