also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize