btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
