my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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