I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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