No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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