took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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