last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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