I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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