i was born a porn star she said
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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