i need an iv and a liver transplant
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
