chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
