Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize