mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
did i just pee glitter
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