Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
