I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
