Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize