3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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