You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
