Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
