There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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