I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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