I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
