Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
