why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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