he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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