I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize