WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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