found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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