I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
