I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
