Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All I want is dick and wine.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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