I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
