I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
