Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
