i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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