just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize