Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
