He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need water and some morals
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
