im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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