Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize