You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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