My hand turned me down
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
