I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
