If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
