okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
