her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
