lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
