3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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