well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
