I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
