he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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