Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
