its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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