"it" just moved
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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