Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
