so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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