she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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