Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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