Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
