your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
