Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize