My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
