i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
