I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
