He asked me if I "almost moaned"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
