He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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