party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
third nipple confirmed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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